I was going to title my first ever blog post “New Beginnings”, but let’s be honest, before I can get there, I need to start with “Getting My Act Together.” And that’s not going to happen overnight.

I haven’t been in a great place for a long time. Over the last year, I’ve been spiraling into a cycle I can’t seem to break. What used to be an occasional night out once a month turned into every weekend, often from Friday night straight through to Sunday. I drink too much, barely eat, make questionable decisions, and then hate myself for it.

By Monday, the dread hits: anxiety, guilt, and exhaustion. I’m afraid to check my socials in case I sent something regrettable while blacked out, and I dread going to sleep for fear I won’t wake up (I also have sleep apnoea). Tuesdays are usually filled with promises to myself, “lesson learned, never again.” By Wednesday, I feel a little steadier, even brave enough to check messages. But by Thursday, the weekend is calling again, and I start planning the next round of chaos.

The last four months have been my rock bottom. Things were already dark, but after separating from someone I really cared about, and then being signed off work with “mental health issues”, it all crashed down. My workplace eventually closed, and we were all made redundant. The timing couldn’t have been worse.

So why am I writing this? Because I don’t want to stay in this cycle forever. This blog is me trying to get my thoughts out, hold myself accountable, and maybe even connect with others who feel stuck too. I’m not at the “new beginnings” stage yet, and I don’t know how long it’ll take, but I want to get there. Hopefully this is the first step.